After months of rumors and speculation, Steve Ballmer and Steve Jobs jointly announced a new search deal to power Apple’s new iPad. Speaking from a Starbucks in Renton at a press conference attended only by a kid skateboarding by, the two promised that “we’re really gonna kick Google’s ass, now”.
The deal nearly fell through, however Jobs was able to convince Microsoft to change the name of Microsoft’s search product, Bing:
“I never liked Bing anyway”, said Ballmer, “I was always a Kumo guy. We were never really able to decide on a name for our decision engine, go figure”.
Jobs explained that the iPads would contain, instead of a camera, a dedicated iNg button, which were being specially retrofitted in the soon to be shipped iPads in a warehouse in Anchorage. “We hope those guys that got early ones kept their dang boxes”, Jobs said, “Gawd I hate unboxing videos. They’re all done in Flash, too, bastards”.
The new deal will mean that all of Bing’s marketing up to this point will have to be redone, but nobody is expected to notice.